APATHY AND ENNUI

Goodness, but, I just can't seem to get excited enough about anything to write about.
Very dull, I have 'finally' figured out why it has always been hard for me to get back to making my little projects. I take too long to make something. I guess I have a short attention span. I become bored, and then I just have to do something else, And I get in a hurry and I can't hurry, or the item would not be worth saving. What I have had to do is get myself to a point, of being calm and centered, so I could then apply myself . And I have to get myself interested again.
It has always seemed, that when I get started on a project, all goes well for a day or two, maybe three, if I'm lucky, Then 'BOOM'!!! Something, ALWAYS, happens to break up my peace. Always, and ever. Therefore, I guess, I end up becoming reluctant to start again.
Drawing is one of the things I can do, that be done quickly, in between interruptions. Another was to do a water color. I could do something in five minutes. I do Chinese style brush painting.
It was much more so at home. In my own home I had a little more control. However, time for myself, was always hard to maintain. Life has always been too much with me.
Now, I fill the time with reading. Playing on my computer and watching tv. Only I do find I watch TV a lot less. There is getting to be more and more that is just plain crap, and therefore, less and less to watch. Programming in the line of animal house, appealing to the dumbed down young people. Grossness, no manners and disgusting behavior, seems to rule.
But that is another story. I'll vent later.

APRIL-SWEET PEAS

Did you know that the flower of the month for April is 'Sweet Peas'? I had a hard time finding any sort of picture. These are 'species' . I was looking for the Commercial style of flower. The kind we used in flower shops. They are bigger and have more blooms per stem. I wanted to do a drawing. But, this does not show how the plants grow.
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http://www.classicnatureprints.com/pr.Vicks%20Flowers?N=A

DOLL GENESIS

I thought that I had made my doll Willowby in '71, but, turns out I didn't get to working on her until '72. Because as I discovered, it wasn't until then, that my dear friend-CM told me about the wonderful: Susan Sirkis', 'Wish Booklets". ('Joy and Riches'!!!) Ms. Sirkis had designed an entire series of period fashions from the 19th. Century for dolls. She had included a pattern for a cloth doll to dress. If one didn't have an antique fashion doll. Then over a number of years, I made a complete wardrobe for my Willowby doll. And here I thought it all only happened a year earlier. Willowby is the lucky possessor of a wardrobe of at least 35 outfits. In between sewing for her, I was working on a lot of other things too. I was making wooden toys assembled of various wooden findings. And I was designing and sewing small animals of felt and fur fabric. Later at a Miniature dollhouse collectors show, I saw the wonderful mini felt dolls made by an Artist named Betsy Heistand. ( unfortunately, she got caught by cancer and is no longer with us.) Her dolls were not high priced, but yet were just out of my reach. However, I saved my money and finally became the proud caretaker of one of her little 5 1/2" dolls.
I came home and designed something similar.
These are all dollhouse size

THOUGHTS-AFTER MIDNIGHT

For some reason, I have not been able to sleep the lately. And I had been doing rather well, about getting some real rest, with an unbroken sleep. Makes me wonder if there is anything going on, somewhere, regarding people I know, or maybe relatives. There is no way for me to find out.
My cousin Avis in her last letter, told me our Aunt Nettie had been quite ill with pneumonia. But, was home again and better. Nettie is my Dad's youngest sister. The last one left of her family. When she is gone, there will be no longer any of that generation. My generation is then next. And we are already somewhat thinned out.
Avis told me my high school class had another get together last June. She said, wish you were there. I wrote and told her, *not* no way, ever. I went twice and the experience was a *Titanic* rate disaster both times. Those people seem to think they knew me. NOPE, no way. They only saw what I allowed them to see. I had created a 'persona' to use in order to survive. Same thing happened in Jr. College. A lot of people do the same thing. At least, I hope so. They probably just aren't aware of it.
Whether we are aware or not, each person has many facets. Like the face of a diamond, we reflect many hues. Changing in the light. Depending on the situation.
I go over my life, and follow the path, mentally, that brought me here. To this person I am, and to where and how I live now. Don't try to pigeonhole me, even by naming me a non-conformist. Because, I always follow the rules. I just choose not to be a sheep. Unlike almost everyone else, I always knew who I am and what I wanted to do.
These are things I think about in the dark. Always at night, I ponder life, the human condition and the world, as it spins on it's pole and makes it's eliptical way around the Sun.

GARDENING

What is funny to me, when I finally got around to thinking about it. I always liked flowers. Growing up we didn't really have a garden. But, my Grandma did. She had a lovely garden. Lots of variety. They also grew vegetables for food. But, we didn't have a garden perse' at our house. I do remember growing various vegetables at different times. Including potatoes, just for the fun of it. The only flowers were Hollyhocks. Mom liked Hollyhocks. They are quite a nice flower. Just the name is unfortunate. Later we had a rose garden of twenty roses.
When we were first married, I became heavy into potted plants. We lived on the top floor of an apartment building. On one end and there was an iron railing. I bought a small metal flower cart and soon had it filled with begonias, fuchsias, colored leaf geraniums and coleus. That was outside. I then found African Violets. Well, I ended up with fifty of them. They were a lot of work. However they are so beautiful. They were in the front room and took up a quarter of my Hb.'s desk in the bedroom. Under the 'Gro-lux' light.
When ever we moved, I never really looked for a good place for gardening. I looked for space and floorplan. I then just utilized whatever outside space there was. As long as there was a small space where I could have some flowers I could look at. Something beautiful.
At our first house, we planted a rose garden. I also had fuchsias and pansies. they attracted several pretty hummers.
The people who bought that house tore out everything and put in a cement slab. Cut down the peach tree too.
At our second house. There was already an easy care type garden. We left it that way. Just added a few roses. We were too busy to garden much anyway. Oh, I did have a very nice Pieris Japonica. It died. Hated the move.
So where we live now. I am just going to use potted things. As long as there is something to cover up the dirt. My alyssum is not in good condition at all. I am hoping it will come back. About five of the roses are putting out a few buds.
I end up not being able to do any yard work anymore. At our first house, I worked a lot outside.
After I began my making dolls and soft toys. The gardening went down. My Hb. does most of it now. It's true, plants respond well to intense attention.
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Orig. Collage by: CGZ
2004

EASTER LILY

Well, finally the stores stocked the lilies for Easter. We were going a bit miffed. Hb. brought this one home Thursday, it was just waiting for warmth and light to do it's thing. It is just right, there are two flowers and both opened. It is not a tall one. But, it is nice.
When I was young, I was a bit puzzled as to why a male rabbit delivered eggs on a religious Holiday. My parents didn't have the answer, really, but, said the rabbit thing came from a folk and fairy story. So, I knew about fairy stories. And then there was some sort of merging with the Christian beliefs. Because the days came together on the calender. (well, almost.) That is one of the things that sent me off reading everything on myth and folktales I could get my hands on. I was an adult before I found books on the origins of Christianity. And how it replaced many older faiths. I learned a great deal. And it was most enlightening. Joseph Campbell helped me get some of the story straight.
However, in way I still like the bunny story, only to me it is properly a female.

SPRING!!!!!!

Spring, maybe by the calender. But, trees here have been blooming mightily.
One day recently , I being in a whimsical mood, looked around and said, Geez I'm bored, i have nothing to play with, I've played with what I have. I need a new toy, because, I've used everything already. If you saw what I have, you could see, I was being silly.
Well, a couple of days later, he came home with this little green pixie doll. She is cute and very whimsical. She is good for both Spring and St. Patrick's day.
(I will put up her photo as soon as Blogger is noticed by those that should fix it.)
TAH-DAH! Here she is! Sage Veridiant

MINI-MUFFINS

Ok, I am not hung up on corn stuff. But, my Hb. found these mini-corn muffins at a market somewhere and bought them for us. He likes to go hunting for different kinds of eats. The little muffins are made in Canada. They were ok. But, had an odd back taste. Maybe the oil, or the corn. I forgot to check the entire ingrediant list. But heating took it away. And they had to buttered, 'before' heating. Otherwise they crumbled. They are one bite size. But, I made a-four bite size of them. To make them last longer.
I thought you might like to see them. Be good for teatime.

FORTY SHADES OF GREEN

Blogger is on the fritz again. So, skip today.
Oh, ok, tonight it seemed to work.
Whatever. I have been so sick so much. I just don't want to write anything.

CORNBREAD FOLLIES

I guess this could be another: 'Adventures in Cooking' entry.
I was watching an Emeril Live show. It was "Mississippi Memories". Southern cooking. That show was so funny. There must have been Gremlins infecting the set. What could go wrong, did.
Anyway, he made cornbread in an iron skillet. Well, when he took the cornbread out for the oven. He popped it on the cutting board, the bread came out broken. Mostly intact , but one side crumbled. Oh, my. The texture looked right though, not too dry, not too damp.
I haven't had a decent piece of cornbread since I left home. Exception, is, my friend Caro she is a great cook. And so is her family. Caro, makes a good pan of cornbread. also, Split Pea Soup. Several times when I was visiting her. That was an tasty supper she would serve.
I liked Mom's cornbread. Now Mom wasn't a super cook. But, a plain cook. My Dad didn't care for fancy stuff. So, she cooked for his taste. She just talked to his Mother for that.
Mom's cornbread, came out on the crispy side. But, that was the woodburning cookstove. The oven gauge never did work. She would sort put her hand in the oven, and felt the temperature. The bread was not too dry, and not too moist. Just a little crumbly. But, hot with butter melting on it, terrific. ]
Any time I ordered cornbread at a restaurant, or at a buffet. Too moist, just soggy and heavy textured. And tasting of too much baking soda. Glah. At a small upscale restaurant in the city, I ordered corn biscuits with my dinner. and even though they had a little jalepeno in them, still, too moist and too much baking soda. I still haven't found a good cornbread.
When I was still cooking, I tried cornbread a few times. I didn't get the hang on it. I only made it for the two of us. It wasn't nice enough to serve my friends.
But, ha,ha I made a fairly good bannock. I made that for our breakfast on the weekends, many times. I can't remember if I served it out.
I can't make good biscuits either. Touch on the heavy side. My Dad's Lady friend Helen, made great biscuits. No, wonder, because she came from Oklahoma. She cooked real country style. And no, I do not feel I am being disloyal to my Mother's memory.
Mom made an excellent roast beef. My Dad loved roast beef. Her baked chicken and turkey was always just right.. I'll talk about vegetables at another time.
Have you had any cooking adventures?

STRAWBERRIES-FIRST CROP

Isn't this container of Strawberries luscious looking. They are first crop, first picking of the season. These are from a local grower. They are the best. After this, the berries never seem to taste completely ripe. No matter how red they are.
My Hb. brought these home the other day. They were so very fragrant And they looked so good. I love strawberries. But, I can not eat them anymore. Even just a small bite would set me off. I can eat strawberry flavor Jell-O. But, that is all fake flavor. The Jell-O has never seen a real strawberry.
I used to be able to eat, strawberry short cake. Ice cream, Fresh strawberries with sugar and cream Hmm, yumm. Or with fake sweetener. Milkshakes, strawberry pie.
One time, I asked the server at an Ice Cream shop to make me an all Strawberry Sunday. Well, yes, it was a bit much. It is the only one I ever tried to eat. Never again.
I think the reason I can't eat produce anymore is that you never know where it is grown. or what type of pesticides and fertilizers are used on them.
At home, when and if, I did get a birthday cake. I always asked for a pink strawberry flavor one.
My Dad didn't care for that flavor. He preferred vanilla. But, strawberry I had, and cake is cake and food is food. My brothers didn't care, yes, cake is cake. And a treat is a treat.
After my 'first cake'. I found the recipe for the Jell-O cakes in Lady's Home Journal.
So, that time Mom helped me make a strawberry Jell-O cake, and frosting. Yes, a pink cake. It's pink. Pink being my favorite color. It was quite an adventure for both for us.
I have a black and white photo of that cake. I'll put it up when I find it.
But, what is nice, I can eat Cherry Cordial chocolate candy. We have it for Valentine's Day and Christmas.

LOST TOYS-THEN-PROLIFERATION OF BUNNIES

I have a fairly nice size collection of toy bunnies. I have only been collecting them since, maybe the late 1980's. I do not care for Teddy Bears, I always preferred Soft Bunnies. Although, I never had one, because they were cartooned. Like the comics at the movies. Bleh.
When I was a girl, I wasn't very attracted to soft stuffed toy animals . Dolls were my main interest.
Besides, we had real dogs, even if they had to stay outside. We always spent time with them. My Grandma had horses and cows. They were her pets. My cousins had cats.
Then there were deer, and rabbits in the wild.
I just didn't think of them in an anthropomorphic way. Except for the cartoon characters.
But, as a child I only had a plush sleepy face doll. And a small Scotty dog, I named 'Plaid Ears', because the ears were faced with a red tartan plaid.
My older brother had a teddy bear and a Scotty dog toy too. He had his first. That's why I 'had' to have a Scotty too. Bud and I both were rather attached to our soft toys. More so, because we each only had two.
I remember, one day, we both started looking for our toys. We looked and looked. Neither of us could find our toys. First thing, Bud asked me if I had been playing with his two. I said, 'no'. Are you sure?. Yes. I can't find mine either. So, we went to Mom and asked her if she could give us any idea where we may have left our toys. She gave us both a sort of sideways look. Kind of pursed her lips. Looked away, glanced back. Then she said, 'I was hoping maybe you would forget about them'.
'What?' "Why?".
Well, you see, that summer, Bud and I both caught Chicken pox. We got it from the Schneider kids, who came to see us, while they were still contagious!!!! Good grief, Mom said, "get out of here, you know better than that!!!"
Well, yep. Bud and I became sick. WE played with and cuddled our soft toys, while we were in bed. For comfort. When we were well, Mom just sort of whisked them away and we didn't notice. So, one day when we were in school, Mom put them in the firebox on the cookstove, because she was afraid of germs. Now days we could have given them a heavy spray of Lysol or other disinfectant.
Bud and I were aghast, saddened and dismayed at that announcement. What for we asked? Because I was afraid of germs on them and they may have held contamination and pass on the chicken pox.
Oh! my! But, it still hurt that we had lost our cherished toys. Neither of us asked for soft toys again. You know, after that It was hard for me to see that stove, because, to me, it was my toys' crematoria.
Although a few years later, I used my allowance to buy a big toy dog. I still have him.
When I became an adult and had my own money, I began collecting soft toys. Because, I missed having animals around. I lived in a city. But, that is another story.
*********************************************************************************************** Here is a pic. of three of my Bunnie Girls. They are around 10" tall each.

COINCIDENCE?????? HUMM.

You know that I have written a couple of entries on 'BULLIES'. Well, earlier this week I was watching a an evening Dr. Phil show. He had on this stupid male who's pastime was bullying his wife. What a creep. Dr. P. was trying to show the guy the error of his ways and to explain just what was going on. Dr. P. said bullies are totally self centered Narcissists. They are unable to relate and everthing is all about 'them. Then Dr. Phil, I swear, he quoted right from my blog, my exact words. "The only way bullies can feel good about themselves, is to make someone else feel bad."!!!!! I was totally delighted. He must have a staff member who has a search and blog watch. My word is out there. And it is being passed on.

EVERYTHING; AND NOTHING

Well, I really haven't much to say. And yet, there is a lot I could say. But, in the end, who cares? Except me. Elections drive me to distraction, they take so long and the 'candydates' (yes, I know. But, the spelling is meant to be a 'funny'.) Go on andandonandon. Saying the same thing and making the same declarations all candidates have ever made in any election ever held in history. It's all blather. The only thing that changes is the face.
Am I somewhat jaded about this political hullabaloo, you bet. It's the Electoral College who really appoints the next President anyway. SUPPOSEDLY influenced by the by the general vote. HAH!!
Diogenes was never able to find a truly honest man either.

CLOUDS OF PINK

I haven't been doing anything interesting. Just reading and trying to manage my GI condition. I ordered some books from AMAZON. Because I can buy them for less than the local bookstore. One would think Barnes & Co. would catch on.
I was antsy again and had my Hb. take me for a drive again. It was a lovely sunny day. Like clouds of pink, so many of the trees are blooming now. Really pretty. Also, the white trees are like clouds caught in branches, holding fast so the bloom can be enjoyed by all who look. And few clumps of daffodils here and there.
I would love to go to a store and browse. But, there is FLU out there yet. And we didn't get our flu shot. I was always too sick from my GI. And they won't give it if you are sick anyway.
There is to be some fog and clouds this weekend, but, next week will be nice again.
I was only able to take two very short walks. I tried for more, but, my muscles just said, no.
I get that nesting thing in the Spring, and in the Fall, I'm restless and want to g-o-o-o.
I used to channel that into being creative and making things. I haven't even written a poem in months, I think. I just write in my journal and do some drawing and collage pieces in it. And I write for the blog. Blog is such an awkward word. Even the spell check tries to do something with it.